The One Where Draco Turns Thirty
by TheGirlWithGlasses15
Summary: It's Draco's 30th birthday, and Harry planned a surprise party for him, inviting all his friends and also his parents! Unfortunately, Draco went out drinking beforehand. Based on the Friends episode 'The One Where They All Turn Thirty.'


**Ok, this story/drabble/oneshot is based on an episode of Friends, 'The One Where They All Turn Thirty,' and the segment where Monica is drunk. I watched it and got plot bunnies form in my mind. Bear in mind, the plot line and some dialogue is from the TV show, and the characters are from Harry Potter, obviously. I own neither, I mean no copyright infringement-PLEASE DON'T SUE ME. **

**I wrote this mostly for fun, so I apologise for spelling mistakes, OOC-ness and general crapness. Thank you for reading, and leave me a review if you'd be so kind! Enjoy! **

**Also, I recommend watching Friends. A lot.**

Harry looked around the room, surveying that everything was in its place, and was perfect for Draco's surprise birthday party. He had remembered to invite everyone, Draco's parents, and closest friends included. Draco's father had taken some persuading to make an appearance, seeing as Harry had insisted on a Muggle dress code. Lucius was looking sour in the corner of the corner of the room, but was being persuading to greet Harry by his wife.

Blaise was also not very comfortable, and was struggling with his bowtie. He had his shirt unbuttoned at the neck and the bowtie in hand as he made his way over to Harry.

"What are you doing? Why aren't you wearing your bowtie? Draco is going to be here any minute!" Harry said. He was rather nervous about the party, it was safe to say. Draco liked perfection, and Harry knew by now that Draco's level of perfection was incredibly difficult to achieve.

Blaise rubbed his neck. "It hurts my Blaise's apple," he complained.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Ok, for the last time, it is not named after each individual man."

Blaise looked confused. Hermione had been teaching the purebloods of their social group Muggle anatomy terms recently, and he was convinced he had learnt a few right. Apparently not. Blaise glared at Harry and walked off.

Narcissa, by this point had persuaded Lucius to go and talk to Harry. Harry tried not to laugh at the sight of Lucius's tuxedo.

"You've done a wonderful job with this party, Harry. Everything looks so lovely," Narcissa said, smiling as she looked around.

Harry had also learnt in his long relationship with Draco that Narcissa Malfoy was a big fan of shameless flattery. She was also a very powerful ally to have on your side against Lucius, who made no attempt to hide his disdain for his son's choice of partner.

"Oh, well not as lovely as you," Harry said, with his most charming smile, "I cannot believe you have a thirty year old son!"

Narcissa beamed, and tossed her hair over one shoulder.

"And you," Harry turned to Lucius, "I cannot believe you have a tux that's thirty years old!"

Lucius did not look happy. "It's older than that. I wanted something as cheap as possible for this frivolous occasion. I think that Muggle who sold me this said someone was conceived right here in this tuxedo."

Harry, who was about to pat Lucius on the shoulder, quickly withdrew his hand. There were a few minutes of awkward silence before Hermione burst in.

"Quick! Everyone hide, it's him! He's coming!"

She shut the door quickly, as everyone rushed to hide. Hermione flicked the lights off before hiding herself.

"Everybody down! Everybody down!" Harry commanded. He was nervous now, hoping things would go well.

The doorknob turned. The door didn't open. It turned again. Still nothing. Harry stood up cautiously.

"Ok, everybody stay here, I'm going to go and find out what's going on!"

He hurried out of the apartment to find Draco.

Draco, was slumped on the floor, leaning on the door of the apartment across the hallway. He grinned at Harry.

"Hey! You got the door open!" he exclaimed, flinging his arms out.

"Hey," Harry ventured cautiously, "Are you drunk?"

Draco scoffed as if the very thought was unthinkable. "Noooo," he chuckled.

"Ok." He said as he slumped further down the door. Harry reached for him, but Draco quickly got to his feet. He walked carefully over to Harry.

"Ok, well I was a little nervous about turning," he lowered his voice to a stage whisper, "_thirty, _so a few people from work took me out for some drinks."

Harry nodded, and rubbed his neck nervously. How the hell would he explain this to Draco's parents? "Uh-huh."

"I want to puke on you later!" Draco giggled.

"Ok, ok, here's the thing," Harry said, to stop Draco's hysterical laughter, "We have thrown a very formal surprise party for you in there!" he said, pointing to the door of their apartment. "All your friends are in there, and _your parents_!"

Draco's mouth dropped open. "No! My parents have never seen me drunk!" he exclaimed. "That they know of," he added as an afterthought.

Harry was very stressed out now. The party was going to be a disaster. But he had to hold it together for Draco.

"Ok, here's what we're going to do. We're going to get you some coffee, and nobody will ever know you're drunk!"

"Really? You promise?" Draco begged, squeezing Harry's hands.

"I'll take care of everything," Harry promised.

"I love you so much," Draco announced, wrapping his arms around Harry's neck, planting a fierce kiss on his lips, staring rather creepily all the while.

Harry pulled away. "Ok, we need to do something about your breath."

Draco looked highly affronted. "What about _your _breath?"

"No, it's still yours."

Draco pouted, and let go of Harry.

"Ok, remember it's a surprise party, so when we go in, act surprised!"

"Ok!" Draco chirped, before tiptoeing to the door. Harry gave him a look, so he stopped it and sheepishly took hold of his hand.

Harry opened the door, and flicked on the lights.

"SURPRISE!" everyone yelled.

Draco looked around for a few seconds before shrieking at the top of his voice. Everyone was rather taken aback. Draco smiled.

...

Harry ushered Draco towards the bedroom door.

"You go and get dressed, and I'll get you some coffee right away."

Draco smiled.

"What's going on?" Ginny asked, walking towards them.

"Draco's a little drunk," Harry replied.

"Oh, yay! I love Drunk Draco!" she exclaimed.

Draco made a frantic _ssh-ing_ motion.

"He's so much more fun that regular Draco!"

Draco made no comment on that and headed inside to get changed.

"She doesn't want her parents to know she's drunk," Harry explained to Ginny.

"Oh. Alright, alright! Here's what we'll do. I'll get twice as drunk as he is, and no-one will even notice him!"

"Really?" Harry asked.

Ginny grinned in response and took two champagne flutes from the nearest waiter. Harry rubbed his head and went towards the sofa. Hermione, Blaise and Ron were already there.

"What's going on?" Blaise asked, his bowtie now properly on.

"Draco's wasted," an exasperated Harry replied.

"Maybe that will lighten up this party," Ron deadpanned.

Hermione gave a little laugh. Harry glared.

Then Draco emerged from the bedroom in a black tuxedo. He stumbled a little, and Harry rushed over to help him. He couldn't help but feel a little possessive when his gorgeous boyfriend was wearing something that made him look _that_ good. Draco shook off his hand and walked proudly, albeit shakily into the party.

"Oh, I'm telling you, it's like watching Bambi learn how to walk," Hermione commented.

Harry nodded his agreement, being the only other person present to understand who Bambi was.

Ron was well onto his fourth glass of champagne and approached Draco.

"You're druuuunk," he taunted. "Your parents are gonna be maaaaaad."

Draco giggled slightly, partly at Ron's slurring.

Ron looked at his glass of champagne. "Maybe I'm a little drunk," he announced.

Harry guided Draco to a seat, and watched as he happily surveyed the scene, munching on a hors d'oeuvre, which were being served to the guests.

"How are you feeling?" Harry asked.

Draco blinked a couple of times and looked at Harry as if seeing him in a new light.

"You are so handsome!" he exclaimed, "I wanna make love to you, right here, right now," he slurred, before growling in what he clearly intended to be an alluring way.

Harry's eyes widened, especially as Draco leaned forward to kiss him. He was suddenly very aware of the presence of Lucius Malfoy. And Ron, of course, who interrupted.

"I _really _wish that you wouldn't."

Harry quickly changed the subject.

"Draco, all you have to do is sit here for a little bit longer, alright? A few minutes more and then you can go to bed. Just stay here, smile and don't talk to _anyone_."

Draco raised a finger to his lips in response.

The clinking of a knife against a glass rang through the room like a shot.

"Speech! Speech!" Ginny called, "Let's hear from the birthday boy!"

Harry jumped to his feet.

"Ginny!"

Ginny grinned at him. "_See?_ Everyone's looking at _me_, the plans working! I didn't even have to take off my top yet!"

By this point, everyone had caught on to the fact that Draco was going to say something.

"Come on sweetie, say something!" Narcissa encouraged.

Draco stood up, smiling, stumbled over his own feet, which caused Harry to run to his side to keep him upright. Draco gripped his arm to support himself.

"Potter! Can you not keep your hand off of him for one second?" Lucius barked.

Narcissa placed a calming hand on his arm. "I think it's nice," she cooed.

"I think it's necessary," Harry muttered.

Draco patted Harry's chest a few times, to tell him that he would be alright. Harry retreated a few steps back.

There were a few moments of silence as everyone waited for Draco to start speaking.

"Well, I want to thank you all for coming," he began, "my family," he indicated his parents, "and my friends."

Ginny gave a hoot of joy at this. Hermione nudged her in the side.

"And I'd really like to say, that I'm, erm-" he paused. He shut his eyes. "You know what I _really _want to say?"

"Oh dear," Harry mumbled.

"I'M DRUNK!" Draco proudly announced.

Lucius and Narcissa exchanged shocked glances.

"That's right, Mother, Father. Your little Dragon is absolutely _pissed_!" He was part screaming, part laughing hysterically at this point.

Harry had his face in his hands, just knowing that Lucius would find a way to blame this on him.

"And guess what? I've been drunk before!"

Narcissa was looking anxiously around the room, and looking pityingly at her son. Lucius was slowly turning purple and casting threatening glances at Harry.

"And I've smoked a cigarette. But that's all alright, because I turned 30 today. And I can do _anything _I want!"

Draco puffed himself up proudly for the grand finale.

"Because, I, am a grown up."

He then, promptly, collapsed.

Everyone looked down at the poor drunken man now sprawled on the living room carpet. Ron was laughing.

Ginny sighed and looked around. The plan was _not _working.

"Quick!" she called to Blaise, "Help me get this off!" she pointed frantically to the back of her top.

"_Yeah_!" Blaise exclaimed, hurrying to her side.

Ron raced over to her as well and slapped Blaise's hands away from the ties at the top.

Hermione just shook her head at her friend's foolishness.

Harry had scooped Draco off of the floor and carried him into their bedroom.

...

Harry laid Draco on the bed, and fluffed the pillow underneath his head. Draco stirred.

"Harry?"

"Are you alright?" Harry asked, smoothing down Draco's hair.

"My head hurts."

"You just need some sleep and I'll get you some Hangover Potion for the morning."

"Thank you. Do you reckon there's any chance that my parents will forget what I said?"

Harry laughed to himself. "No. But I shouldn't worry, they'll blame me anyway. You never have made things easy for me, have you?"

Draco smiled. "You like it."

"I _love _it," Harry corrected, "because I love _you._"

"Even now, when I'm drunk off my skull, and thirty? I'm so _old_."

"I still love you. And I'm not exactly young either, mind."

"You're still in your twenties. Bastard," Draco prodded Harry in the bicep accusingly.

"I'm twenty-nine. And next month I'll be thirty as well."

"You're right. You're old too. I should go and find a younger man," Draco teased.

Harry fake-glared at him. "Take that back, or I won't get you any Hangover Potion."

"You know I don't mean it. And you know I'm drunk because I'm gonna get _reeeaallly _soppy now. I absolutely bloody love you Harry Potter. Even if you were a git when you were younger, and still are most of the time, no offence. You're one of the bravest, funniest, sexiest men I know, and I love you for that. And you have nice eyes."

Harry felt his heart melt. It had to be said, Drunk Draco was much nicer than Sober Draco.

"You're not so bad yourself," Harry replied.

"No compliments for me?" Draco looked shocked. "After I was so nice to you?"

"I would, maybe later in fact, but for now, I have to go and deal with your parents. Your father is currently a nice shade of maroon."

Harry planted a kiss on Draco's nose, before leaving the room, not before hearing a muffled: "Love you, Harry."

He left the room with a smile on his face that would not fade. Not even after hearing an outraged shout of:

"_POTTER!"_


End file.
